I Am Not Christian

Monday is the first day of Autumn: the Autumnal Equinox, also known in the Pagan community as Mabon. For those who don't know, day and night are equal on this date, and on it's seasonal opposite, Ostara (the first day of Spring). Delilah experienced her first Sabbat celebration tonight, with a group feast and tribute. It's amazing to me that she's going to grow up learning about all different religions and cultures and gods and not be tied down by dogma.

I'm in the middle of a spiritual upheaval at the moment. I've been re-discovering my beliefs, and lack thereof, lately. I'm less inclined to actually "worship" any gods or goddesses, or God and Goddess, or God, or whatever, and more inclined to just...be. I believe the Earth (Gaia), and all her creatures and plants and rocks and organisms are special, holy, if you will. I believe there ARE gods and goddesses who exist, perhaps because people believe in them. I believe you can put a thought out in to the universe and have it become true. I believe that if you focus your intent on something, you can make it so.

There are a lot of people with different beliefs in the Pagan community. Most people fit into a little box, when it comes to what they believe. Wicca, Buddhism, Hinduism, Native American beliefs (not really Pagan), Satanism (not really Pagan either), eclectic Paganism (whatever that is), etc. But what IS paganism? Is it a belief, a sprituality, a religion, a lifestyle? And does practicing magic - being a witch - automatically make you Pagan?

Being a Pagan does not make you a witch. Being a witch does not make you Wiccan. Those two statements are true. But as for everything else, who knows?

So what does this make me? I'm not sure.

I dislike calling myself a "witch", and I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's because of the associated negativity...the fact that people would think me weird, or crazy, or dangerous, or something, because of the moniker. I know it caused a lot of problems when my family found out my wedding was going to be "Pagan". I think there is still a lot of ignorance in the world, and unfortunately a lot of it circles around witchcraft.

Witchcraft is another of those things about which I'm uncertain. Do I do it? I don't cast circles, I don't call quarters, I don't "cast spells" (I find that so cheesy, that statement). But I DO use herbs, essential oils, I believe that focusing my energy while making something fills that item with my intent and wish. I believe sigils work, and have used them. I try to meditate, I believe that words have power. I believe that Santa exists, because people believe in him...but I don't believe he comes to people's houses on Christmas eve and puts presents in their stockings.

When I'm in a bind, I ask for help, usually I just call to "God", but I don't see god as the Christian god. I suppose you could say that's my Christian roots still tugging at me, that I say "God", and not something else. Maybe it is habit, who knows.

I believe there are demons, and other entities that we can't necessarily see all the time. I think it's entirely possible that fairies (of all types) exist, and that my cat can see things I don't.

I think there are a lot of things I don't know.