I've been thinking a lot lately about my life, how much it has changed in less than 5 years. Five years ago, I was a police officer in Guelph, with no intention of having children, let alone getting married. Actually, I was in a relationship that was soon to end (but I didn't know it). I was also 5 months away from resigning from my job.
Fast forward 5 years, and I'm married, have a baby, a different dog, and I live in London. I've moved 6 times, and have had 4 different jobs, including Guelph. Three of those jobs are different careers entirely (police, court agent, data analyst).
Present circumstances are a bit of a challenge right now, both financially, and physically. Or at least, mentally. I'm in the middle of a decision that will change my life - and Delilah's. My return-to-work date is April 20th. I really don't want to go back, but giving up a job in this economy seems kinds of...incredible. And not in a good way, you know? But I just can't see myself going to work and leaving D with someone.
Why not leave her with Ben, you say? Well, he got a call yesterday to go to work at Hully Gully. The same guy who owns Suzuki owns the Gully, and Ben will start Monday, with the same wage as he left Suzuki. He starts over again on probation, which I think is silly, but I'm not the boss. I guess they're giving themselves an out.
But in any case, he will be gone at work full time starting Monday, which means if I go back to work, D needs to go into some kind of child care, whether it is a home day care or whatever. Just saying that makes me feel ill. But I'm scared that Ben's wages alone can't support us, and the families I've met so far (for potential day care options-where I'd be the one watching the kids) haven't panned out. Two families have yet to let me know if I'll be the one caring for their child.
I met one nice lady today, Sonia, and her son. He's just 6 days older than Delilah, so that would be neat having him around for her to play with. Sonia will let me know by the end of the weekend, I think, if she'll be bringing him here. I really really really want to watch him, since he seems like a nice laid-back baby like Delilah. He appeared pretty happy the entire time he was here visiting today. He's kind of rough and tumble with Delilah, but she'd get used to it, I think.
If she chooses me to care for Silas, that would bring in just enough money for me to feel safe resigning from Autodata. If I got another child (I'm hoping on a second, a four year old girl) to care for we'd be totally set. That would be gravy (aka spending money to keep me in yarn, fabric, and other stuff). I've yet to meet her mom, we'll be setting up a date next week sometime, I hope.
Anyway, I need to set some goals for myself. I need to work on:
-financial goals: what will I be doing to make money?
-housing goals: will we stay here? for how long?
-housekeeping goals: I need to get into a schedule to keep on top of the household.
-mental health goals: I'm depressed and anxious lately. This translates into short-temperedness and frustration. I need to work on that.
-relationship goals: my mental health state has affected my relationship with Ben
-me-time goals: I don't get enough of this.
-fitness goals: I need to get back into shape. My physical state affects my mental state.
-eating goals: I need to eat less crap. I eat pretty well, on the whole, but I eat way to much chocolate and drink too much coffee.
That's just a list off the top of my head. I'll go into more detail in future posts.
Ta Ta for now.